


Scars

by haey1



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Scars, Slow Burn, Transformation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:01:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24279265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haey1/pseuds/haey1
Summary: Remus Lupin does not talk about his scars and he would like everyone else to stop talking about them too.-Remus thinks his first year at Hogwarts is going to be like everyplace else, until he meets Sirius Black who turns his world upside down.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 16





	Scars

Remus Lupin does not talk about his scars and he would like everyone else to stop talking about them too. He understands, he really does. When he was younger, he would spend hours sitting in front of the mirror tracing the outlines of cuts old and new. As he grew, he went through phases of hating them - he would grow his hair long and keep his hood up - or acting like he loved them - the fake it until you make it method never worked on him, but now, he’s just tired of them. 

He wants everyone to forget they exist, but it’s his first day of Hogwarts and it’s all anyone can see. Everyone’s eyes followed him: on the train, in the Great Hall, into the stairwells. When he got sorted into Gryffindor, even the claps were softer than usual. People gave him a wide berth of space. But if Remus Lupin has learned one thing today, it’s that Sirius Black is not people.

On the Hogwarts express, Lupin resigned himself to sitting alone and staring out at the countryside as it passed out his window. Not five minutes into the trip though did Sirius Black burst into his compartment like he was running from a crime scene. He introduced himself and has not stopped talking since.

Sirius talked through the whole train ride. He talked through the boat ride. He talked at the sorting ceremony. The only bits of silence Remus has had were those few moments between Sirius being sorted and his own sorting. He sat down across from Sirius and the boy picked up the conversation like it had never stopped.

Remus liked him though because, despite his hours of speaking and talking about everything under the sun: his Slytherin family, his strange brother, his determination to be sorted into Gryffindor, and all the pranks he was going to pull this year, Sirius didn’t ask about his scars once. 

When the Gryffindor first years are deposited into their dorm, everyone stands back and eyes each other, but really just eyes Remus. Everyone, except Sirius that is, who takes a running start and flings himself on to the four-poster bed at the center of the room.

“Remus, take the one next to me,” he calls out. Remus rolls his eyes, already tired of Sirius’ dramatics, and quietly sits down on the next bed.

“In that case,” the black-haired boy says, “I’ll take the other one by the window. Sorry, Peter.” The boy sits down on the bed on the other side of Sirius’ and then addresses Remus, “I’m James Potter. I don’t think we’ve met.”

“Remus Lupin.”

James keeps staring at Remus’ face like it was a hard math problem or another language. It’s respectful and analytical, but it’s still staring. It is much better though than the short blonde boy, Peter, who has yet to meet his eye all evening. 

“Look, guys,” Sirius interrupts, “I know Remus has the most beautiful emerald eyes in the world, but there are better things to stare at. Namely, I heard that if you scare the portrait of Muldoon Cragg in the common room, he’ll fall out of the tower window.”

James’ eyes grow three sizes at this information and all his attention falls Sirius, “Really? Is it true?”

“Not sure, but we should all go and find out.”

With that, James stands up and practically runs out of the room. Peter looks slightly terrified and follows. Sirius stands up, sends Remus a wink and says, “Are you coming?” Remus gives him a slight smile and a nod and right before they leave the room, Remus catches Sirius’ arm in the doorway.

“Thank you,” Remus says to him. 

Sirius just smiles and shakes his head, “Of course. What are friends for?”

As Remus follows Sirius down the hall, he can’t stop smiling. He’s never had a friend before.

-

Remus tries to tell Sirius so many times. When they’re alone studying together on Sirius’ bed, when Sirius visits Remus in the hospital wing month after month, when they sneak into the kitchens for a snack. Every time he opens his mouth to tell him, it just feels too big and too heavy a thing to drop on their perfect friendship. So he keeps his mouth shut, Sirius is too important to lose.

The whole group of them has really become like a second family to Remus. James and Sirius ended up getting on like a house on fire. When they’re together, it’s electric and often disastrous for those around them, a fact Peter has found out many times. (Remus had to give them a “stop messing with Peter so much” talk after he found Peter washing out slugs from his hair for the third time in one week). 

Remus is often the only one who can keep them in line. He’s been approached by several exasperated teachers to "please for the love of Merlin get them under control," and Remus always smiles and says he’s trying while slipping Sirius crucial information for their next ridiculous prank.

All the while making these fantastic friends and hilarious memories, Remus never felt like he was truly there. He felt like he was an imposter, a liar, and a cheat. He felt like he was watching himself act in this grand opera but the show was quickly building tension until his eventual demise. 

The only time he felt present was when he was alone with Sirius. This wasn’t a common occurrence. The group spent practically every waking moment together, but there was one time he could always count on: waking up in the hospital wing after a transformation. Sirius is always there, no matter the time of day nor the severity of the injury. Sirius is there.

Remus has no idea how he does this. Madam Pomfrey keeps very precise visitor schedules. He’s seen her usher Dumbledore away. When asked, he always gave some joke: he threatened to prank her nonstop, he knows the Pomfrey family secret, or Remus’ favorite, Pomfrey is his secret lover.

It’s early in their second year when Remus learns the truth. Remus wakes up at the hospital wing in the middle of the night. He hears Sirius’ snoring and turns to look at him, but he does so with immense pain and he looks down to see a large bandage covering up the left side of his abdomen. Remus’ groaning wakes up Sirius who rubs his eyes and gives Remus a small smile.

“How bad is it this time?” he asks.

Remus assesses himself, tries to move, winces, and gently lowers himself back into his original position, “Not great.”

“I’m sorry,” Sirius says and he means it.

Remus doesn’t know what to do with sincerity so he changes the subject. “Christ, what time is it?”

“Must be 2 am, maybe 3.”

“I will never understand how Madam Pomfrey lets you stay, or even why,” Remus jokes, “the Gryffindor tower isn’t so far away.”

Sirius looks at him with no hint of humor, “Every time you go to visit your mom, you come back in the hospital wing. I don’t want you to feel alone. I know how hard that can be.”

Remus feels the full weight of his lies start to crush him. If there was ever a time to come clean, it’s right now. It’s just them. Sirius would understand, or at least if he didn’t, it would be over quick and he would not have to labor under this delusion of their friendship. 

“Go back to bed, Remus,” Sirius says before he can correct him, “you need your rest.”

Sirius puts his head back down so Remus does too, just because it’s easier, just because he doesn’t want to ruin everything just yet.  _ I’ll tell him next month _ , Remus thinks.

-

He continues to say that to himself for several more months and continues to not tell anyone. This month, however, there's a problem because James has got it into his head that he absolutely must go visit the Shrieking Shack. 

“What greater adventure is there than going into the most haunted place in all of England?” James says to their dormitory.

“Only going on the most haunted of nights: the full moon,” Sirius says with his normal grandeur. 

“When’s the next full moon?” Peter asked eagerly.

“My dear Peter, it is tonight,” Sirius replies.

At this moment, Remus comes into the room in a bit of a hurry. He’s tense and barely mutters a hello before searching through his chest. Sirius and James exchange a look but say nothing. They both know he’s going to visit his mom tonight.

Unfortunately, Peter does not share the same social awareness. “Lupin, guess what we’re doing!”

“What are you doing, Peter?” Remus says distractedly.

“We’re breaking into the Shrieking Shack tonight!”

At the mention of this, Remus stops all his searching and stands straight up. “Tell me he’s joking,” he says to James and Sirius.

“I’m not!” continues Peter smiling, “it’s going to be so cool.”

“You guys can’t do that, it's dangerous.” 

“What fun is there without danger?” Sirius asks, but then his smile disappears when he comes under the full force of Remus’ death glare.

“I don’t mean losing a few house points - dangerous. I mean life or death - dangerous.”

“You’re being ridiculous, Lupin,” James says.

From down the stairs, Remus hears Madam Pomfrey calling his name. “I’m late. Just promise that you guys won’t go in there.”

Madam Pomfrey calls his name again but Remus stays put.

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” James says. Remus nods, then quickly leaves the room.

“So we’re not going?” Peter asks, disappointed.

“No, we’re going,” James says, “I just needed Lupin off our backs.”

The three of them start devising a plan and Sirius only feels a little bit guilty about it.

-

It’s almost morning by the time they reach the Shrieking Shack. They had left the castle at midnight but the walk in the dark fields took longer than anticipated because Peter kept believing he knew the way, only to lead them to another dead end. When they finally did find the broken old house, they’re exhausted.

“Man, what did we do any of this for?” Sirius asks as they walk towards the house, “The place is silent.”

Just as he says that a howl erupts from inside. It’s so loud and lasts for so long that it leaves the boys’ ears ringing.

“You spoke too soon,” James says as he starts sprinting towards the building. Sirius and Peter run to keep up. Another howl comes out of the house’s walls and this time brings with it a loud thumping that rattles the walls.

“How do we get in?” asks Peter. There are no doors or windows on the first floor that haven’t been boarded up. 

“We climb,” James says and points to a window on the second floor. He finds an old crate, positions it next to the first-floor roof, and stands on top of it. “Black, give me a lift.”

Sirius joins him on the crate, cuffs his hands together, and on the count of three, hoists James up. James casts flipendo at the window to shatter it open, causing glass shards to go flying.

“Watch out!” he calls. Sirius looks down at the glass that is slowly becoming more visible in the ever brightening night sky. It’s almost morning and all he thinks about is that potions test for Slughorn in five hours.

Sirius takes James’ hand at pulls himself on to the roof as well. Sirius reaches down to pull Peter up but at that moment, the house lets out another howl that is mangled with a human scream. The walls shudder and creak. 

“You guys go on. I’ll keep watch!” Peter shouts.

Sirius and James exchange a look but with so little night left, they don’t argue it. They enter the house, which is covered in broken furniture, molding ceilings, and walls lined up and down with scratches. The howling resonates across every surface and shakes each broken piece of wood strewn across the floor.

James walks carefully through the mess and to the source of the noise coming from the end of the hall. Sirius follows closely behind as they enter a room seemingly more destroyed than the last. At the corner of this room sits an old four-poster bed, and at the opposite wall is the source of the commotion: a creature caught halfway between wolf and man.

“A werewolf,” James whispers, “part of me thought they were a myth.”

The creature lets out another howl that sounds more like a human scream. The deep brown fur starts to retract into its body and exposes parts of its skin where they can see the bones twist and form back into those of a human spine.

“It’s mid-transformation,” Sirius whispers back to him, “It looks incredibly painful.”

The creature lets out another scream, so awful and terrible that James has to look away. Sirius would have too if the thing before them had not started to look an awful lot like -

“Lupin,” Sirius says in a single breath. “I think that’s Lupin.”

“Don’t be absurd,” James says but then he takes another look. “By Merlin, I think it is.”

“We shouldn’t be here,” Sirius says quickly. “He didn’t want us to be here.”

“Right,” James says in a daze but snaps out of it, “Yeah, right. We need to go.”

They start to run out of the room and just as James hurries out the window, Sirius hears something. It’s a long painful sobbing.

“You guys get back to the castle, tell no one.”

“Sirius, what are you doing?”

“No one!” he shouts and pushes James out of the window and off the roof. He runs into the room where he finds Remus curled up on the ground. He’s shuttering with every sob and there’s a pool of blood slowly emanating from his body.

“Remus, are you okay?”

Lupin’s head shoots up and he regards Sirius with ferality. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Remus, you’re hurt.”

“Just go!” he screams and then collapses back on to the ground. 

Sirius approaches him and mutters a small healing charm his mom taught him when he was a kid. Remus is asleep, clearly exhausted from the night’s activities. Sirius, with all his strength, lifts up Remus’ frail, bloodied body and brings it to the bed. He places blankets over him and makes sure he’s comfortable before sitting down on the ground beside it.

It has been a long night for them both. Before Sirius knows it, he too has fallen asleep in the Shrieking Shack.


End file.
